Short Shorts And Some Looooooooooong Socks

I have tried to make this post’s title into a Cake song unsuccessfully. It’s sad, because I love that song. It’s stuck in my head right now, and I hope is stuck in all of yours.

Anyway, there are many problems with wearing very short shorts, not the least of which is the actual wearing of very short shorts. As always, I highly recommend actually looking in a mirror before leaving the house, particularly when anything short is involved. To me (and I am a huge prude when it comes to shorts, and I know this) these shorts are too short.

They are also made even more awkward by really weird converse.

The Melty Tights Cometh

So I spent all last year complaining about Fashion being all over the map and too full of awkward cut-outs, but 2013 seems to be shaping up to be the year I complain about punk, the resurgence of punk, and why in God’s name the Met Gala is punk themed.  It may be that year because I am boring and do not get the appeal of half falling apart outfits with rips and holes in, and it may be that year because punk is so inherently driven by street fashion.  Maybe my understanding is off (because I am boring), but I do not immediately associate punk fashion and spending a ridiculous amount of money on basic pieces like tights, particularly when it’s for an effect you could do at home with some carelessness and some paint.

Here are the latest, apparently popular and described probably falsely as “punk” by the Daily Mail, ridiculous tights:

Alpine Tights And Shorts

Sometimes, the outfits people wear to go out blow my mind.

The odd blend of trying to be sexy and practicality tend to produce some really poorly thought-out looks, particularly when the weather could best be described as “frigid”.

Now, I’m far too practical to indulge in freezing my ass off, even before I was secretly an old lady in a twenty-something suit.  If it’s cold out and I have to walk anywhere, I’m wearing pants.  I’ll probably also wear some sort of sweater, because when it’s minus 1000 degrees, I would rather be warm than look totally hot.

This look, of course, is neither.

Is This A Relief Concert Or A Fun Run?

I can’t tell, really. At least not based on what Kristen Stewart’s wearing.  If we go by Billy Crystal, I would guess fancy party, relief concert, or the Oscars.  But KStew over there is wearing gym shorts and a school sign green striped blouse.  Is she going for a jog after this?

I read somewhere that emerald green is the color of 2013.  This is more….hazard sign….than emerald and is therefore a bit awkward.

Tights Or Skin Disease? YOU DECIDE 2012!

I thought about blogging about bad things various politicians wives and lady politicians have worn, or how overusing spray tan before political events seems like a terrible decision when suits are toasty and no one looks good dripping orange, but given that I voted three weeks ago and am in a battleground state where every channel is inundated with nonstop political ads, I decided that I didn’t care anymore.

Also, that may be one of the longest sentences I’ve written in awhile.  Writing for the paper is killing my love of rambling.  I don’t know if it’s awesome or terrible.  It’s mostly terrible when I produce sentences like the above, which is preposterously long.  It’s also terrible when I viciously cut out an entire paragraph and replace it with one sentence that uses the word “zeitgeist”.

Anyway, for those living in America, go vote if you haven’t already!  For everyone else, please bear with our completely unbearable and seemingly nonstop election cycle.  We’ll hopefully be back to normal-ish here soon.

And now for something completely different.