I Still Hate These Shoes

You know, sometimes it seems like people, if by people I mean celebrities, wear things that are obviously atrocious just because it happens to say, oh, Tom Ford on the label.

I can almost understand. I would say that 90, 95% of what Tom Ford does is glorious, particularly when it comes to Justin Timberlake.

But these shoes make anyone wearing them look like they’re wearing splints, and I don’t know that injured-chic is a thing.

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MTV Movie Shenanigans

So last night were the MTV movie awards, and among the parade of decently dressed and Will Ferrells in money suits, there were two people who really stuck out as “Oh dear, what are you doing?”

What I love about this is that they are so unfortunate in such different ways, but they are both victims of time and space related delusions. While Chloe Moretz seems to have gone back in time to 2001, Hana Mae Lee seems to think she is at Royal Ascot (which, as always, I cannot wait for, since it’s my favorite week of the year.).

Unfortunately for both of them, they are both wrong. Chloe Moretz is not dating bleached-tips Justin Timberlake and Hana Mae Lee is not at Royal Ascot.

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Oddly Printed Leggings: Still Not Pants

This is something I don’t think I will EVER budge on. If you’re wearing something that will give you a camel toe as pants instead of actual pants (which generally speaking, will not), I will probably be secretly side-eyeing you. I will double that side-eye if they are a pattern that looks like it was ripped out of a Missoni show or a skiing sweater because it is unflattering, dizzying, and an atrocious trend that I thought we were over by now.

Isn’t fashion supposed to move forward? It feels like I’ve been seeing atrocious skiing or Missoni leggings for several seasons now, and I am not on board at all. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Why wear something that skin tight as pants unless you want EVERYONE to be gynocologically acquainted with you? And then why make them an awful pattern on top of it? I just don’t get it, and I despair of the world.

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Awkward Tights And Uggs

Awkward patterned tights–or pantyhose–with Uggs are awful in every way.

I’m anti-patterned pants, tights, leggings, or pantyhose anyway, since I tend to be anti print anyway when it comes to pants. It’s too busy visually, and depending on the cut, can make the wearer look shorter and/or wider. At the very least, it draws a weird attention to the wearer’s legs. Printed pantyhose that are otherwise sheer just give a look of uncomfortable skin diseases, something no one should ever, ever aspire to in their sartorial choices.

You should also never, ever pair a going out outfit, even one with a denim skirt and printed tights, with Ugg boots.

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Leopard Pants And Hazardous Shoes

First of all, leopard pants are horrendous in every single conceivable circumstance. I cannot think of a single every day instance where wearing leopard pants makes any kind of sense.

It must be said, I’m also pretty sure the pants in question are not actually pants, but atrocious leggings, which is basically a tragedy. It is not cute to have fake leopard all over your body, just like (SHOCKER!) it is not actually cute to wear those floral pants from H&M or wherever, because it’s busy and weird looking.

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