We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Oscars Week

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Oscars week to remind everyone why no one should wear their pants below their asses.

The initial cut of that sentence said “why no white guys”, but then I realized that this look being horrible is not specific to a white, Canadian teenager with the voice and figure of a prepubescent girl. It is horrible no matter who you are.

To go on an exhaustion-induced tangent, I do prefer to feature things that are horrible no matter what. That is why Stella McCartney and leggings as pants feature so prominently on here. NO ONE can pull them off, regardless of gender, age, figure, or race. Everyone looks bad, and that’s kind of beautiful.

EVERYONE looks bad with a pair of trousers that look like there has been a serious incontinence incident.

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Could This Color Wash Zooey Deschanel Out More?

The answer is no, by the way.

But we’ll get to that.

This is Oscars Day Three, and I apologize in advance because my brain feels like mush. I very nearly had E write this post for me, but I decided to man up and write it anyway.

Anyway, it’s not really a secret that I’ve been pretty underwhelmed by recent Valentino, mostly because the master is no longer running the show and someone else thinks that the house that was once responsible for some of the most glorious couture to come out of Milan needs to make dresses that are somehow either frumpy, uncomfortably nude, or oddly both at once.

This would only be frumpy, but since the dress is the exact same color as her skin, it wins an “oddly both at once.”

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Going To An Oscars After Party? Better Dress Like An Idiot.

The good news is that the Oscars don’t stop when the curtain falls. Oh no. There are after parties, and I had no intention of staying up late enough on Sunday night to blog about them for Monday. That means that we get two Oscar posts: one for the important, badly dressed people who were there, and one for everyone who went to the after-parties.

The bad–or good, if you’re me–news is that while the Oscars themselves had some excellent dresses, the after-parties had some seriously questionable decision making.

Brace for impact, this post is going to be LONG.

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We (Nearly) Saw Brandi Glanville’s Boobs

I was oddly amused by Seth MacFarlane’s “We Saw Your Boobs” song. It was weird, but what isn’t about the Oscars?

Before I dive into the surprisingly short list of badly dressed people, let’s take a brief moment to discuss the good and beautiful.

First things first: I love Jennifer Lawrence, and I am so glad that she was in that big, frothy amazing Dior piece. THAT is what couture should look like, and it’s why I’m a fashion nerd. Seriously, what a great fashion moment, and how adorable was her breathless speech? I mostly want to watch her ramble at all the talk show hosts now.

The other side of truly excellent fashion nerdery was also by Dior.  Charlize Theron was FLAWLESS in that white Dior Couture piece.  It was perfectly structured and chic, and I loved it.

Who else did I enjoy?

-Jessica Chastain in Armani Prive. It wasn’t a HOLY SHIT moment like last year, but well done in general.

-Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta. I love anything big, frothy and ridiculous that isn’t nude with a fishtail, so…I’m there.

-Catherine Zeta Jones in Zuhair Murad proved that Zuhair Murad, particularly when lined, is a beautiful thing for everyone.

-I also really liked Octavia Spencer’s outfit and Quvenzhane Wallis’s bitty Armani. Excllent all around.

The good news on the fashion front is that I was generally pretty pleased. It took me awhile to get to the usual, “”Oh honey…” comments that usually dog my watching of awards shows. But they were there. Today’s post is about the Oscars themselves. Tomorrow shall be the various B, C, and Z-list sorts that turned up to various after-parties looking gross (I’m looking at you, Chris Brown).

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Mirrors Are Your Friend

Mirrors are the best.

I have mentioned before that I do not leave the house without checking a mirror to make sure I haven’t made some sort of glaring fashion mistake. For example, it was really cold the other day so I threw a sweater over my button-down. I thought this would be adorable, but when I checked in the mirror it made me look really, really frumpy. So, before I left the house looking 20 pounds heavier and like I owned 100% more cats, I changed shirts. I also usually like to check to make sure any dresses I might wear aren’t riding up in the back or anything horrible like that.

This girl needed to take an extra moment to try and check out the rear view before leaving the house.

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