A Year End Fashion Horror-Show

Over the past three hundred some-odd days, I have ranted, raved, shouted, and screamed about fashion.  It’s been a helpful part of my New Year’s Resolution, which was “be a bigger bitch.”  I may make that again for 2013, just to see if I can keep it going, although I feel like more normal things like, “Donate money to charity” and “Get in shape” might be healthier.  But then I remember that people wear leggings as pants, and I go right back to “Be a bigger bitch.”

Speaking of leggings as pants, it’s a serious and pervasive problem.  The most common arguments for them are as follows:

From girls:
-They’re so comfy!
-They make my ass look good!

From guys:
-They make girls’ asses look good!
-(I have not heard any arguments from any guys I know about wearing leggings themselves.)

In terms of comfort, I would beg to differ.  My work trousers, particularly my lined suit trousers, are the most comfortable pants I own, and I find that my yoga pants get a bit uncomfortable after awhile.  Besides, leggings are basically a high thread count away from being tights, which are not comfortable in any universe.

As for making an ass look good, I would point the direction of a good pair of jeans/pants/anything that is not so tight it’s a thin layer of fabric away from being obscenely gynecological.  Also, unless you do hot yoga three times a week, your ass is probably not as fabulous as you think.

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Party Dresses Are A Slippery Slope

This time of year, lots of girls find themselves wearing dresses that make no sense. The only other time that sort of sartorial lunacy comes into play is for weddings. The problem with the holidays is holiday parties and the requisite cocktail dresses that people delude themselves into thinking fit.
Next week is New Year’s, and it is therefore the pinnacle of the Bad Party Dress Occasions.
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Oh, Unflattering Jumpsuits. Please stop.

This is old-ish, but only because I’ve been really busy.  Turns out Christmas is a more distracting and busy time than going on holiday, particularly when siblings call you a pussy for not wanting to play Rock Band until 3 in the morning.  But there are still people wearing jumpsuits in public like it is any way a legitimate fashion decision.  Vogue’s year-end retrospective of excellent fashion, while not explicitly saying the word “jumpsuit,” did mention the whole entire outfit matching print thing, which is what this basically is.

Also, maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten enough sleep recently (once again, stupid siblings), but I cannot recall what the hell you would call large, mirror-like futuristic sequins.  That may be the technical  term, but I feel like I may be off base.  But they’re awkward on anything other than a costume on Star Trek or the Hunger Games.

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Christmas Delay

There will be a post here, I promise.  But right now, I’ve just woken up after two Christmases and Rock Band with demanding siblings and N until three in the morning.

In the meantime, enjoy contemplating exactly how creepy the whole “sexy Santa” thing is, and how incredibly weird it is that various models and celebs dress up like a slutty version of a mythical old, fat man to celebrate the winter solstice/Christmas.  Awkward.



Elle Fanning Is No Diane Kruger

I love Diane Kruger.

She is one of those rare A-listers who can actually wear the hell out of anything.  The only others I can think of off the top of my head are Cate Blanchett and Tilda Swinton (and Tilda Swinton usually looks delightfully bonkers), but Diane Kruger can just make things WORK.  She wore giant, baby blue Chanel shorts or culottes, and instead of thinking, “What the hell is she doing,” I thought, “WELL DONE YOU.”  I’ve disliked some of her choices, but they’re always interesting and most crucially, she’s always wearing the outfit.  The outfit is not wearing her.  This takes work when in nutsy couture, as I have no personal experience except in judging people from where I sit on my very comfortable couch.

But Elle Fanning, as she may have proved from her Breaking Wind lunacy induced attempt to wear awkward Prada, is no Diane Kruger.  She is too tiny and girlish to wear something as intense as that Prada, and she is definitely too tiny and girlish to wear an overbearingly Elizabethan inspired Chanel dress/shirt/thing.

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