I Named This Picture “Oh Holy God”

Sometimes, a visceral reaction really captures it all.  “Oh holy God,” is exactly what I said to E when she sent me following picture.  I think I followed it up with some serious horrified head-shaking and second-hand embarrassment.  However, this embarrassment was multiplied when I realized that this mystery girl had essentially stolen her sartorial style from Christina Aguilara and her music video costumes.  This is the same Christina Aguilara who has been known to wear an inexplicable tiara on The Voice and wear insane hair extensions, by the way.

She’s also worn this.

This dress is distressing to me, but it’s for a music video, and at least she’s wearing clothes?
Via The Daily Mail

I find the low-brow derivation much more disturbing, though, because this was not only worn, it was photographed by someone who thought she looked hot.  She was wrong.

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A Sad, Sad Attempt To Match

This would not normally be on here, but for one thing.

I know at least once before I commented on someone “matching” by wearing everything in all the same color.  Whenever anyone does this, I’m distressed and irritated, but mostly frowny faced at the vague air of trashiness that it shouts to all the world.  The air of trashiness should be doubled or tripled if the matchy-matchy disaster is spotted in a Walmart.

But what takes this away from bafflingly trashy and into hilarious, sad attempt is the socks.

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This Skirt Is Both Ugly And A Health Hazard

There are some trends I really despise, and yet have found difficult to photograph. For instance, the mullet dress/skirt is an absurd look, particularly when the party in the back is too long for even a ridiculous pair of heels.  I understand the look a bit when there’s just a little bit of difference between front and back, or when it’s an asymmetric hem with a train.  This is neither, and I–for reasons unknown regarding the level of crankiness–have a lot of really irritable notes.

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Why Does Your Hat Look Like Something I Have In My Kitchen?

Okay, it is not technically a hat.  It is a “fascinator,” which IS a word, so stuff it, Internet.  But this hat/fascinator/thing seriously looks like if you took a splatter guard from your kitchen and taped it to a headband to make some sort of strange, hot-oil-defeating mask.

And I LOVE hats.  I recently demanded that N take me to the hat section of a department store just so I could try to convince him to buy me a hat for my birthday.  He did not go for it, which is probably a good thing, since otherwise I would be That Asshole wearing a big ridiculous hat at my friend’s wedding this weekend.  But someday…..

Anyway, this is a hat in the breed of “How Not To Hat.” You expect to see something mad like this on the head of Princess Beatrice or Eugenie, not on Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden, who is normally impeccably dressed and be-hatted.

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Is It Raining? If No, Lose The Wellies

This seems to be an increasingly popular thing, and I don’t get it.  I realize I say that a lot, mostly since a disproportionate number of people do not know how to dress themselves in a functional way.  But rain boots, wellies, or galoshes are only socially acceptable if you are 1) going out in the rain, or 2) going hiking in an extremely muddy place.  If it is a bright, sunny, summery day, wearing wellies to go out in public make about as much sense as wearing your pants on your head.

If you’re wearing wellies with leggings or tights-as-pants, multiply the absurdity by one thousand.

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