Dear TopShop: NO.

I always worry about high fashion shenanigans trickling their way into normal, everyday wear, and for good reason. Recently I have seen more and more people wearing see-through shirts, lace or otherwise, as though it is somehow socially acceptable (Protip: It is not.). I’ve also seen more and more overalls, which is not funny if not done ironically on Halloween while telling a story about how your life got flipped, turned upside down.

Anyway, as much as I complain about them, celebrities and their stylists are not actually the worst. What IS the worst is when normal stores, or normal-ish stores, like Topshop, H&M, or even a Target capsule collection shows something that is completely banana-pants.

TopShop, I’m looking at you and side-eyeing.

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Pattern Clashing.

Deliberately clashing one color or pattern against another is something Vogue has been trying to convince me to do for about the last year or so. Being more about personal style than Fashion, I have mostly treated this advice with the raised eyebrow of suspicion.

But I also believe that fashion trickles down. It’s like trickle down economics or that monologue from Devil Wears Prada: everything eventually filters down from the runway into actual ready to wear into cheaper knock offs into something you find at Kohl’s.  So what one day Diane Kruger is wearing, making me think, “Do I love it or hate it? And does it really matter, because she is working it?”, I may eventually be wearing something extremely derivative of.

Unfortunately, this is not always a good thing.

I may also be giving this guy too much credit.

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Harem Shorts Or Wet Diaper?

That is the age old problem with harem pants. Harem pants have that weird, drapey crotch, which results in the appearance of a very full or very wet diaper.

The problem is even greater when they are 1) harem shorts, and 2) white. These shorts look more like a full diaper than even Justin Bieber and all of his leopard print purple pants. And if you are not actually an infant, wearing anything that even looks like a diaper is always the wrong decision.

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How Not To Match, Part 100000

Here is yet another egregious example of someone wearing lots of horrible shades of the same bad color. It’s bad when the color is a normal, functional color like red or blue, but there is no good reason ever to wear traffic sign yellow-green?

The short answer is no.

The long answer is, “Absolutely not, and it is definitely not a color with which to try to do some matchy matchy mess.”

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St. Patrick’s Day Is No Excuse

That is the exact subject line of  the email I got. And never has it been so true. Last year’s unfortunate green tuxedo shirt is nothing to this hot mess.

There is so much wrong with St. Patrick’s Day fashion choices to begin with, since people (at least in America) tend to take the idea of “wear something green” and run with it, wearing increasingly unflattering and weird t-shirts and outfits while wearing green everything and generally smelling of beer and whisky, as though that is what being Irish is. But there is no excuse for dressing this badly short of an ironic Halloween.

Anyway, here is some green-tinged delusion.

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