An Atrocious Leggings Trifecta

I’ve been getting a higher than usual number of comments recently suggesting that my Leggings Are Not Pants belief is born of jealousy and size instead of faith in fabrics other than spandex.

Let me just clarify that here and now. I do not think that leggings are pants because they are not pants (holy tautology, Batman). They are workout gear, or something to be worn under a dress or a tunic. They are not actual pants. If something being worn as pants is so skintight you have a camel toe, they are not pants. Also, I don’t care if you are a size 2 or 32, people probably don’t actually WANT to be able to guess your measurements. And I’m going to expand that statement out–any leg covering clothing solution that is so skin-tight you get a camel toe is not a good decision.

All of this can be backed up by the following picture of three girls all wearing leggings as pants and all looking ridiculous.

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Leopard Print Pants Are Bad Enough

?Well, we made it through the Met gala (you know we made it through). I never knew how lost I was….?

Sorry. Madonna references are ridiculous.

Anyway, I found the whole experience a bit confusing since the theme was so out there. It threw off my judgment, since I was sitting there thinking, “Okay, well done!” for looks I would normally outright DESPISE.  I would not typically be on board with Lily Cole in weird plastic looking Vivienne Westwood or Miley Cyrus’s all-fishnet, spikey hair look. I feel like I’m a bit out of whack.

Out of whack or no, this is atrocious.
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Dear TopShop: NO.

I always worry about high fashion shenanigans trickling their way into normal, everyday wear, and for good reason. Recently I have seen more and more people wearing see-through shirts, lace or otherwise, as though it is somehow socially acceptable (Protip: It is not.). I’ve also seen more and more overalls, which is not funny if not done ironically on Halloween while telling a story about how your life got flipped, turned upside down.

Anyway, as much as I complain about them, celebrities and their stylists are not actually the worst. What IS the worst is when normal stores, or normal-ish stores, like Topshop, H&M, or even a Target capsule collection shows something that is completely banana-pants.

TopShop, I’m looking at you and side-eyeing.

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The Great Good-God-What-Are-You-Wearing-sby

So I loved Moulin Rouge. It was a glorious, over-the-top fantasy that had the added bonus of Ewan McGregor singing.

I really enjoyed Romeo + Juliet. It felt a bit irreverent in regards to Shakespeare, but it was fun, over-the-top and had the added bonus of Leonardo diCaprio with boy band hair.

I have some concerns about The Great Gatsby. It’s either going to be amazing or an absolute shit-show, and I am going to watch the hell out of it either way. Why we need a Great American Novel IN THREE DEE!!! is beyond me, but that is all unrelated to my current concern, which is in regards to how badly Isla Fisher’s dress needed to have a lining on the bottom half.

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Third Time’s A Charm

I felt a little bad about this because I saw the leggings first and the girl second, and I’ve blogged about her before (twice before, actually. I’m a bad person.).

But that is no excuse. I haven’t seen leggings this loud and wackily patterned since I was in Prague (over 18 months ago, proving that even in the Internet age, Europe is still ahead of the fashion curve, not that loud-leggings-as-pants is a particularly good look).

Here’s the thing: loud leggings-as-pants in interesting patterns already happened once, and that was on harlequins. Harlequins were basically clowns and were meant to look a bit ridiculous while doing complicated acrobatics. HOW IS THIS SOMETHING THAT HAS MADE IT INTO MAINSTREAM FASHION??? If we’re taking inspiration in our trousers from Renaissance clowns, that truly is a sad state of affairs.

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