Computer Problems

Computer is borked, guys. I’ll try to get something up soon. See you Monday.

A Literary Fashion Statement, Followed By Some Wallpaper Trousers

Happy 200th Post.

What you choose to read in public says something about who you are as a person.  For instance, if you are reading Proust on the subway, people may assume you are pretentious.  If you’re reading Twilight on the bus, people may assume that you will die alone with your thousand cats.

I automatically assume that anyone reading 50 Shades of Grey in public has the intelligence of a dead squirrel and the taste of a dead squirrel.

It’s something I’ve seen a lot of and not photographed, mostly because I was usually too busy judging the living daylights out of anyone with a copy in their hands.  Frankly, it’s about as appropriate as reading Playboy in public, and no sensible dude would ever run about showing off to his friends that he’s reading Playboy in the middle of dinner.  Whereas I have friends who have proudly shown me their copies of that hot mess.  I have proudly told them that they’re reading Twilight fanfiction and that I might have to not speak to them anymore.

My point on this front is that if you’re treating a book as a fashion accessory as people have treated 50 Shades of Grey, you should consider the message you’re sending.  That book sends a really gross message, not just because it’s full of sex, but also because it treats women as objects and has the sexual politics of a Viking invasion.

That is your fashion advice for the day.  I will now make fun of Stella McCartney.

Read more of this post

Is Vogue Just Trolling Now?

Okay.

I love high fashion, this has been well established.  I annoyed the living daylights out of N on our honeymoon by drooling over the stores in every city’s shopping district, particularly the lineup of Chanel, D&G, Versace, and Bulgari in Vienna.  He may have taken pictures of my shameless longing.  It’s a bit embarrassing.

But what in the actual fuck is going on in the world of fashion recently?  I realize I rant like a champion at least once a week about something stupid in Vogue (since lately everything has been fairly ridiculous), but seriously.  Are they actually trolling us?

People Magazine has gotten on board the crazy train, too, what with a giant article on how to wear bonkers floral pants like Beyonce.  I, for one, will continue to wear my normally colored jeans, but I am very boring in my personal dress.  Also, floral pants look insane, even on Beyonce.

But that said, Vogue continues to take the proverbial cake with an article on how to wear denim on denim, prominently featuring a pair of overalls.

I’m going to let you all digest that statement.  Vogue.  Denim-on-denim.  Overalls.

THIS IS NOT NINETEEN EIGHTY FUCKING FIVE.  Also those “dungarees” are FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.  That is $495 more than I would ever pay for overalls, and I think I’d only wear them to an eighties or nineties party.  With one strap undone.  And a hat on backwards.  Why did we wear that shit again?

http://www.vogue.com/guides/the-social-shopper-march-31/

And the pertinent blog entry they reference, which has not one, but TWO people wearing overalls.

http://vanessajackman.blogspot.com/2012/03/london-fashion-week-aw-2012overalls.html

I don't even know what's going on anymore. Is the fashion industry collectively STONED?

I realize fashion is vaguely cyclical, what with “retro” looks coming back, since I distinctly recall wearing what might as well have been bell-bottoms in the late nineties, but come on.  There are some looks that needed to STAY in the past.  There’s a reason the enormous butt bustle has stayed predominantly in the past (I’m looking at you, bridal gowns) and the padded shoulder went the way of the dinosaur.  They didn’t look good, and neither do overalls with a denim shirt.

GET IT TOGETHER, FASHION INDUSTRY.

Tomorrow: A singer wearing comedy leggings AND ridiculous socks!  While jogging!

A Baffling Coiffure Damages Eyeballs

For only the third time on this blog, I have decided to take issue with a gentleman’s sense of style.  I don’t complain about men (in terms of their dress) often, but I have my reasons.

Generally speaking, this is due to the fact that guys have it easier.  Fashion doesn’t change as much for men, and since they don’t give as much of a crap, they don’t go out in outfits/styles that are truly baffling.  A suit is a suit (unless it’s in a funky color), and jeans and tshirts will never be grossly unfortunate to look at, no matter how idiotic the phrase on the tshirt is.  I will judge you if you have “HA, NOW YOU CAN’T SEE ME” on a camo shirt, but not to the same bitchy extent as the crime of wearing tights in lieu of pants or sparkly Uggs.

However, when men go off the rails, they do have a tendency to do so dramatically.

I present evidence below:

Jesus Christ. He has two mohawks. Is that a thing??

Knee-jerk reaction: “OH MY GOD, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS HAIR.”  I don’t think it’s super obvious in this picture, but there are a pair of spiked up bits running down either side of his head.  It’s like the Pointy Haired Boss from Dilbert, but more insane, since it goes the WHOLE WAY down his head.

Look! It is basically the same!

Maybe I’m generalizing.

Nope.  I keep looking at it, and it is quite literally one of the worst things I’ve seen.  What really grinds my gears about it is that he clearly thinks it looks cool.  Therein lies my problem with it.  I’m more tolerant of sloppy dressing because that just shows cluelessness.  That hairdo took serious work.  He had to make that happen, style it to be pointy-ish instead of having racing stripes across his head, and think, “Damn, I look good/cool/baller/like a badass.”  He is incorrect.

Obviously, this is what I find so offensive in fashion.  I am much less horrified by someone who looks trashy from lack of effort than someone who has gone to trouble to look like crap.  It’s why I have so much of a problem presently with high fashion.  Vogue has recently resulted only in me shaking my head in despair at the state of things instead of lusting after gorgeous and insanely expensive pieces.

Problematic for fashion, but amazing for me.

Quite obviously, I’m torn between love and hate for disasters on this scale.  They crack me up, but it makes me sad.  I really wish I didn’t have enough material to be able to blog every weekday for almost two full months with no signs of slowing down.  But people persist in dressing spectacularly badly on every social level, and I think it’s an epidemic that must be mocked, if not stopped.

Right?

So, that’s my rant for the day.  Going to a gun show and seeing a bunch of trashy hicks and otherwise atrociously dressed people has caused me a more than average amount of distress, particularly when coupled with a Vogue article about loudly patterned everything being a trendy thing to do.

That’s all.

This Is Being Posted at Five in the Evening Because I Drove a Million Hours Yesterday and Today

I realize I usually update at 8 a.m.

Sorry.

I’ve been driving.  I did at least post a message at 8 a.m. saying, “sorry” and offering a snarky opinion on my ability to wear any numbers of sizes….at the same store.

 

Today’s ACTUAL post is about shoes.  More specifically, ridiculous shoes.

 

Now, I’m a big fan of wearing fun shoes with an otherwise bland outfit.  I have been known to wear a very obnoxious pair of bright red pumps with all black or black and white.  There is, however, a world of difference between fun shoes and shoes that appear to have a bunch of random colors thrown together.

My other big problem is that this lady is a photographer and in the above photo, is shooting wedding photos.  Dress code for wedding photographers, at least here, is sensible shoes, preferably in black.  She got the top half of the outfit right, in that it is black, but those shoes are insane.  She’s sticking out, and the point of a photographer is to be inconspicuous and subtle.  Those shoes shout LOOK AT ME AND MY CRAZY SHOES, which is so obnoxious when there’s a bride in the room.

Also they’re ugly.

So, if you are a photographer, save the fun shoes for a time where you’re not going to be working.  Go buy a good pair of black flats.