Wellies Are Silly Outside Of A Puddle

In the spring and rainy climates, it makes a modicum of sense to have enormous, clunky rain boots. I do see the appeal, particularly since I did NOT have them in college and became acutely aware that there is no worse first world feeling than sopping wet jeans clinging to my ankles.

But like so many other things, you have to think about how you’re wearing them, otherwise the heaviness and the location of a strong line across your calves can really visually drag you down. I would also suggest that unless it is actively raining or there are huge puddles to be found, maybe the giant wellies are unnecessary.

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Horrible Things I Saw In An Airport

So, in the wee hours of Friday morning/Thursday night depending on what time zone you’re in, I wrote a slightly incoherent post while sitting on a couch in an airport food court.  I saw many, many horrible things, and I claimed (falsely, it turns out) that even I’m not enough of an asshole to photograph what people wear in airports for an overnight, because let’s face facts, it’s a terrible place to try to be and sleep, and I can forgive minor indiscretions on the fashion front for comfort in such a miserable situation.

But I can’t forgive harem pants at any time of day.  I particularly can’t forgive them when instead of changing into normal pants after the attempt to sleep on an uncomfortable bench is over.

I took this picture not even three hours after I finished writing Friday’s post, after I ran into Harem Pants Girl again on the other side of security.

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This Is A Disjointed Rant

I debated calling this post, “Horrible Things I Saw In An Airport”, but I felt like too much of an asshole taking pictures of people who, like me, are tired and trying to sleep on a horribly uncomfortable couch.  Even I have my limits, and I think that to some extent, if you’re unfortunate enough to have to sleep in an airport, you get a small pass.  That said, harem pants are inexcusable any time, particularly low-rise harem pants.  Also ridiculous is a girl dressed like she’s going out who spent the early part of the overnight taking inexplicable pictures of herself and her surroundings, and the middle-aged woman wearing leggings so tight, I could see her cellulite.  But I 1) wasn’t quick enough with the camera due to exhaustion, and 2) couldn’t be bothered.

I also debated talking about two trends that have apparently trickled from the deluded high fashion and into the mainstream, those being jumpsuits and those stupid skirts that are inexplicably sheer from the knees down, since I saw and failed to snap pictures of both of those yesterday.  I don’t know what it is about jumpsuits, but I am reasonably certain that they make everyone’s ass look large, flabby, and ridiculous, particularly if your ass already tends slightly that way.  I’m sorry I don’t have photographic evidence to back this up.  I’ll stop slacking and hop to on that one.

And now for some actual content!

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WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS?

Alright.  It’s summer in some parts of the world, and with that comes an onslaught of dubious fashion decisions.  For instance, today alone I saw several people wearing rompers, which I have yet to feature on here only because I haven’t taken a sufficiently ridiculous photo.  I nearly did today of someone wearing a romper with tights.  I would like you all to take a moment to imagine how difficult her life would be in a small, cramped public restroom stall.  Due to me being a horrible person with a keen appreciation of schadenfreude, I’m actually giggling at the thought.  I also saw someone with the world’s smallest/tightest romper, and someone who had somehow managed to get the crotch of it to hang awkwardly low, making it look more like an old timey bathing costume.  But it’s the decisions to wear absolutely miniature shorts that tend to really raise my ire.

Why are they problematic?  In two words, ASS CHEEKS.

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This Whole Look Screams “Little Girl”

Looking like a little girl is not always cute.  In fact, I would argue that, like in “Community”, there’s a seriously diminishing return on sexiness as the line goes from innocent and girly to a bit creepy.

For instance, when you actually get out the little frilly socks, it gets a bit weird.  It gets really quite weird when you then add in a cropped tee-shirt and one of my favorite terrible fashion decisions: the inexplicable gap between shirt and skirt that does not involve belly button.

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