When I Think Wedding Dress, I Do Not Think Toilet Paper

The first time I ever heard the words “toilet paper” regarding a wedding dress was a few years ago and in the form of a complaint, right around the time when frothy organza ruffles were first starting to be really in. There was one that had these really interesting long lines of organza that I REALLY liked and my coworker at the time REALLY did not. I said it was interesting and in-the-moment, she said it looked like toilet paper.

But now, thanks to things like Project Runway and do-it-yourself! projects of the sort, we now have an actual wedding dress made from actual toilet paper. I am distressed, and I really, really wish it looked more like what my coworker was complaining about.

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Bridal Accessories Gone Bananas

It’s apparently bridal fashion week (for Spring ’14? What the hell, fashion industry? It’s barely Spring ’13). I am also apparently a very poor member of my industry because I had no idea until about 30 minutes before writing this that that was the case. Whoops.

Anyway, bridal fashion week usually ends in me stomping about being surly about some trend I do not want to indulge people in and/or some I am peevish that will not make it far in places not a thriving metropolis. After one day, it appears we can expect more frothy lace, frothy lace sleeves, frothy lace peplums (note: I have yet to see an actual frothy lace peplum anywhere but the runway, but it’s only a matter of time now since I saw it at Marchesade la Renta, Carolina Herrera, Vera Wang AND Reem Acra. Seriously. Everyone but Temperley London’s had a lace peplum so far, and Temperley seemed to think they were costuming Downton Abbey.), and silly accessories.

I am not messing around when I say the accessories were silly.

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Just When You All Thought Fashion Week Was Over

It’s BRIDAL fashion week, or bridal market as it gets called.

Apparently, it is somehow Fall 2013 in bridal (fun fact: the HuffPost and the Wedding Channel disagree on which season it is.  Wedding Channel says Spring ’13, so I’m going to go with that, since it makes SENSE), which seems wrong, somehow.  I realize bridal is completely bonkers, since I am actively involved in the Business, but sometimes it blows even my accustomed mind.

I love bridal, though.  The trends change slower and more rationally, and generally, instead of celebrating anorexia, bridal celebrates womanhood and femininity.  You still get sticks on the runway, but a lot of gowns, girls need a rocking set of curves to pull off.  Bridal is a celebration of being a woman.  I love that about it.

There are elements I don’t love as much.  Here are some things about Spring 2013 that are putting me off:

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Labor Day Means Weddings Means Sartorial Lunacy Abounds

So, of Labor Day Weekends in the past six years, I have been at weddings on three of them (Happy Anniversary, J!).  It’s a good thing, since weddings are (generally) a good time all around.  But when there are many people dressing up there are inevitably people who skew the dressing well curve in either direction.  For instance, on one end of the spectrum was a woman whose Christian Louboutins caused me to seethe with a violent case of shoe envy.  After a few cocktails, I told her how much I loved her shoes.  I think she thought I was a madwoman.  I’m okay with it, because those shoes were worth being That Girl accosting a complete stranger about her footwear.

But all said, it was a fairly posh wedding.  The reception was at a country club with delicious canapes and electric blue cocktails.  And yet, despite such elegance, there were still some people on the other, not quite as elegant end of the spectrum.

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UGG Brand Continues Its Downward Spiral Into Delusion

It is common knowledge that I think UGGs are, well, ugly.  They tend to be worn badly and with ridiculous outfits, mostly because they automatically make any outfit absurd if worn outside the house when there is no snow on the ground.  But even then there are less ridiculous snow boots that are waterproof, warm, and less than $170 a pop.

What baffles me here is that people do seem to quite willingly put unflattering and absurd looking shoes on their feet in the name of comfort or trendiness.  Ugg boots and crocs are horrifically ugly, and yet both seem to be so popular and ubiquitous that they have diffusion brands and/or an ever expanding array of sartorial horrorshows.

It is also a truth universally acknowledged that planning a wedding brings out the insanity in people, and UGG brand is just the latest to try to capitalize on that.

I would also like to make a note here that usually I can write these posts in a sort of stream-of-consciousness, where I just ramble until I think I’m done.  Today’s had to be structured and restructured because I kept finding more and more horrible things to rant about.  That’s what happens when you go to UGG’s website.  It’s a black hole of horror and overpriced, hideous boots.

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