When I Think Wedding Dress, I Do Not Think Toilet Paper

The first time I ever heard the words “toilet paper” regarding a wedding dress was a few years ago and in the form of a complaint, right around the time when frothy organza ruffles were first starting to be really in. There was one that had these really interesting long lines of organza that I REALLY liked and my coworker at the time REALLY did not. I said it was interesting and in-the-moment, she said it looked like toilet paper.

But now, thanks to things like Project Runway and do-it-yourself! projects of the sort, we now have an actual wedding dress made from actual toilet paper. I am distressed, and I really, really wish it looked more like what my coworker was complaining about.

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MTV Movie Shenanigans

So last night were the MTV movie awards, and among the parade of decently dressed and Will Ferrells in money suits, there were two people who really stuck out as “Oh dear, what are you doing?”

What I love about this is that they are so unfortunate in such different ways, but they are both victims of time and space related delusions. While Chloe Moretz seems to have gone back in time to 2001, Hana Mae Lee seems to think she is at Royal Ascot (which, as always, I cannot wait for, since it’s my favorite week of the year.).

Unfortunately for both of them, they are both wrong. Chloe Moretz is not dating bleached-tips Justin Timberlake and Hana Mae Lee is not at Royal Ascot.

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Misguided Hipster With Bonus Tights As Pants

In further proof that far too many people wear tights as pants and it is ALWAYS a terrible thing, I present a misguided hipster, combining as many hipster stereotypes at once as I can think of, with bonus tights as pants. It’s a panoply of hipster mess-making.

My biggest problem here (besides the see-through tights, which is problem enough, really) lies in the complete disconnect between hipster top and see-through bottom. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, like a banana tree on a wedding registry.

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We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Oscars Week

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Oscars week to remind everyone why no one should wear their pants below their asses.

The initial cut of that sentence said “why no white guys”, but then I realized that this look being horrible is not specific to a white, Canadian teenager with the voice and figure of a prepubescent girl. It is horrible no matter who you are.

To go on an exhaustion-induced tangent, I do prefer to feature things that are horrible no matter what. That is why Stella McCartney and leggings as pants feature so prominently on here. NO ONE can pull them off, regardless of gender, age, figure, or race. Everyone looks bad, and that’s kind of beautiful.

EVERYONE looks bad with a pair of trousers that look like there has been a serious incontinence incident.

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Kate Winslet’s Hair Is A Bird

Your argument is invalid.

I write this a bit hesitantly.

It’s partially because the nutsy headgear is really the only problem I have with this look of hers.  I’m in love with the McQueen suit she’s in, because good lord, she looks amazing.

Also, I adore Kate Winslet, and I adore ridiculous headgear.  My favorite week of the summer is Trooping the Colour and Royal Ascot, because holy crap, those two back-to-back make the Kentucky Derby look TAME.  But you do not wear a dead bird on your head to go to Buckingham Palace and get a CBE from the Queen.

Or maybe you do.  The odds of me getting a CBE are extremely slim, given that I am 1) American, 2) in America, and 3) unsure that you can get an OBE for services to fashion bitchery, so I will never find out for myself.  It does seem the time to go and get a really excellent hat, instead of a dead magpie stuck to a bit of felt.

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