Met Gala Delusions Part One: The Stella Cometh

In theory, the Met Gala’s theme was “From Chaos to Couture” and it was all about the punk movement in fashion. This is vaguely legitimate, although I think it is a bit a pile of crap since punk fashion is about having nothing and making something out of it. It’s about challenging the status quo and pushing boundaries beyond what the established Fashion Houses would tell us, and while I can get behind that (though not for my personal style), it is a bit silly to the have the Met Gala themed after it. I mean, it seems completely contradictory to have Anna Wintour in custom Chanel celebrating the punk movement. Over the next several days, we’ll be appreciating the people who got it all wrong (and didn’t wear Vivienne Westwood or Givenchy).

Now, this was tough for me, because punk-influenced fashion is not something I would normally get behind, but I can also really appreciate themed dressing for such a big event. There is a time and place to go big or go home on the fashion front, and that time is definitely the Met Gala. Over the next several days we’ll be discussing those who 1) missed the theme and 2) still looked like assholes, and I will attempt to group them logically.

So, here’s a short list of who I liked before we proceed to people who were unfortunate enough to wear Stella McCartney.

-Madonna in Givenchy. She committed to the theme, and I can appreciate that.

-Miley Cyrus in Marc Jacobs for the same reason. I may be hallucinating that I typed that.

-Florence Welch in Givenchy. Clearly this is the time and place for Givenchy.

-Jennifer Lawrence for being Jennifer Lawrence (in Dior). It wasn’t punk, but it was fabulous.

-Hailee Steinfeld in adorable, age-appropriate, yet still full of safety pins Donna Karan.

-There were more, but it’s late and I can’t be bothered.

And now, the disasters.

I screamed “STELLA!!” in a fit of drama as soon as I saw this.

There is so much “NO.” in this one picture. It’s almost impressive.

Both of their faces look good. That’s all I can say that’s nice, since Cameron Diaz looks like a witch who got tangled in her curtains  and Stella’s dress makes less than no sense to me. I just don’t understand that moment where you’re making something for yourself and you decide to go for something that makes you look that frumpy and awkward and yet oddly bejeweled. It’s so baggy and weird and it makes me sad inside. Same thing for Cameron’s dress, which is sad, because she is beautiful. She could look amazing if she had chosen almost any other designer. But no. She’s being dressed by Paul McCartney’s daughter.

The androgyny is cool. The infectious looking pink eye and in fact everything below her hairline is not.

Every single thing about that jumpsuit makes me furious. I managed to become less furious by making up an elaborate performance art installation about it with K by suggesting that with the weird crotch ombre that she, or perhaps Tilda Swinton, should wear it in a glass box while on her period and sit in silent rage at the visceral horror. But the lace paneling is clearly an awful decision, as is anything jumpsuited by Stella McCartney involving an ombre crotch and a weirdly high neckline.

Our final disaster by Stella embraced the punk theme perhaps the most fully, but she also looks like a bag lady.

Dree Hemingway, what are you doing? That dress is awful and has an elastic drop waist! There’s no excuse for that ever!

Also, I don’t care that those shoes are vegan, they are clearly the worst thing to ever happen to footwear.

See you all tomorrow for Met Gala Delusions Part Two

(Photo Credit: JustJared and the Daily Mail)

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About badfads
Anonymous 20-something, full of opinions about what you're wearing.

6 Responses to Met Gala Delusions Part One: The Stella Cometh

  1. Maggie O'C says:

    Both Stella and Cameron look like there are some plastic elements to their faces. Has Stella’s nose always looked like that? I saw the Kristen Stewart (I loathe her) picture and said, “She did NOT.”

    ack.

    Who is Dree Hemingway?

    • badfads says:

      Plastic is entirely possible in both of their cases, and I’m afraid to go looking at the history of Stella McCartney and her nose because I’m running on an insufficient amount of sleep to keep from combusting with rage. And I think I sent that picture of Kristen to about four or five people at like one a.m. and started ranting about how much I hated that jumpsuit and her.

      She’s either a model or someone who’s Fashion Famous. I could google it, but as previously mentioned, sleep deprivation.

      • Maggie O'C says:

        I’ll do the work for you. She’s Mariel Hemingway’s daughter so she’s famous because her great-grandfather is a literary legend.

        • badfads says:

          ….I hate Hemingway, and now I hate her for being Hemingway’s great-granddaughter and having the baffling taste to wear Stella McCartney and her pleather gardening platforms.

  2. AnnaBtG says:

    I think the worst of these is Kristen Stewart’s jumpsuit. So many things wrong with it!

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